I don't want to share my human ...

Me & black-&-white cat had come to a bit of a truce. I'd gotten tired of fighting with him.

And tonight, we sat quite happily together, just watching my human's washing. It was okay because I was in my yard & I'd allowed him to sit on my wall.  And everyone was happy.  Even my human.  Because with us around, no one would steal her silly patterned leggings.  These leggings are funny things ... she's just been writing a whole post on her blog about them!  (Check it out at: http://therapywithsharon.blogspot.co.uk/)

But then, stupid black-&-white made a wrong move. What on earth was he thinking? I just couldn't believe what I was seeing through my own eyes.  He had the nerve to jump down into my yard ... whilst I was still sitting in it ... & was brazenly walking towards the open door.

I was just about to run & attach him, when my human saw what was happening.  I don't know what she was planning to do, but as she walked towards the door, black-&-white showed his true colours ...

Stupid scaredy cat!  He ran across the yard, jumped up onto the wall & disappeared! Ha ha! What a stupid cat to be scared of my human!

I'm glad he is though, because I don't want to share her with him ...

Oh; did I stop you going out human ... ?!

Following on from the post I wrote just before, I want to tell you a little story about last Saturday night ...

You see, I did something similar then too ...

My human was planning on going out for the evening & so she shut the back door to keep me inside.

But I wasn't going to be conned like that. As I'm sure you know, Saturday nights are good nights for going out. And much as my human wanted her Saturday night out, my Saturday night out was more important.

And she stupidly left the bathroom window open anyway! So of course, out I jumped!

The look on her face when she was getting ready to go out & saw me sitting outside in the yard was a picture! I wish you could have seen it! Bemusement at me for being out. Anger at herself for forgetting to close the window. 

She tried to call me in, but no way was I going back inside! Up I jumped onto the wall where I knew she couldn't reach me!

And then I disappeared! Off I went to have my fun & Saturday night out. And because my human won't leave me out on my own (who would be there to let me in when I was ready to go in?!), she had to stay in; at home, where she belongs.

I did call back to check on her after an hour or so. But I was careful to stay up on the wall so she didn't get any ideas about catching me.

See human; it's lovely out here.

What do you mean; you were meant to be going to a nice outdoors event & enjoying the summer evening? 

Tough!

I'm out, so you have to stay in!

And I'm not coming in anytime soon.

And I didn't.

I went in when I was ready. And it was too late by then by my human to go out.

Oops! Sorry human ... kind of. 

And there's nothing you can do about it ...

No human; I don't care that it's after midnight & you're tired & have to get up early tomorrow & so want to go to bed.

Nor do I care that it's really foggy outside just now. 

And no; tonight, I don't even care about Dreamies. I'm not going to be tempted to come down from the wall by you putting them in my dish on my wheelie bin.


Because I know that if I come down & start eating them, you'll pick me up & carry me inside. And I'm not falling for that trick tonight. You've done it to me once too often.  Because as you know, sometimes, Dreamies are simply irresistible.  But not tonight.

I'm happy up here on my wall. And I'm going to stay up here as long as I want to.

And there's nothing you can do about it ...

What's happened to my tea ... ?

My human let me down very badly last night.

She let me out as usual, & left the back door open for me whilst she ate her tea.

Whilst I was out there, patrolling my neighbourhood & making sure none of those other pesky cats were up to mischief, little was I to know it was all going wrong inside my kitchen.

Stupid human let black & white cat get into the kitchen & eat my tea.

When I went out my dish was full of my tea. I'd made sure my human had filled it for me before I went out. And it was one of my favourites ... turkey & liver. I was really looking forward to it when I got back.

But when I got back, I knew something had happened. There was no turkey & liver in my dish. It had been replaced with lamb. And okay, lamb is another of my favourites, but what had happened to the turkey & liver?!

And that's when I discovered my human's betrayal,

She'd let black & white cat eat my tea.

She said she'd been so busy eating her own tea that she hadn't realised he'd sneaked into the kitchen. 

I'm not sure whether to believe her or not.

Apparently, she only realised he'd sneaked in when she took her plate back & he ran out of the kitchen.  She knew I wouldn't be happy about it & so washed my dish & replaced the half eaten tea. Which I guess was nice. Maybe she was trying to protect me from what had happened.

Or maybe she was trying to protect herself? Trying to cover up her big betrayal.

Look at my dish. See how much he'd eaten!

But I'm not stupid. I knew my tea had changed. So I knew something had happened. And that's when human had to confess & tell me everything.

She better not let it happen again ... 

Mindful eating malarkey ...

I'm still upset with my human today.

She laughed at me last night & I didn't like it. I didn't see anything funny.

I thought she'd been nice to me because she'd bought some yummy new crunchy biscuits. And they were very lovely.

In fact, they were so very yummy that I wanted to make the very most of them.  And so I thought about some of the things I've read about in my human's PhD thingy. 

And one of those things was something called 'mindful eating.'

For those of you who don't know, this means using your mind to eat.

 

Now, when I first read that, I thought it sounded a little bit silly, because we really use our mouths to eat, don't we?!  Not our minds.

But apparently, what it really means is thinking about what you're eating instead of just shovelling it in & swallowing it ... which I have to admit to doing sometimes with 'Dreamies.' 

Apparently, if you think about the food in your mouth, you taste it more & enjoy it better.  And it lasts longer! It also apparently helps you recognise when your tummy's full up, so you don't just keep mindlessly eating & get big & fat.

So because these new crunchy biscuits were so very yummy I wanted to practise this mindful eating malarkey.

I thought my human would be proud of me.  But she wasn't.  She just looked at me with a look of bemusement on her face.  Which I really didn't understand.

To slow my mouth down & to help my mind think, I took a mouthful of the yummy crunchy biscuits out of my dish & carried them along to the lovely kitchen mat.  I then let them fall out of my mouth ... & let me tell you, it took a LOT of restraint for me to do that & not just chew & swallow.

I then slowly ate them one at a time.

And when I'd finished them, I went back to my bowl & took another mouthful. This time though, my mind thought to take them to the nice soft living room carpet. And again, I spat them out before eating them one by one. 

And I did this time & time again until my bowl was empty.

 

I really thought my human would be proud; especially of my creativity.  I know that humans can put their knives & forks down between mouthfuls to help slow down their mouths.  Now us cats, don't use knives & forks, so I thought that putting the yummy crunchy biscuits down between mouthfuls would be a good way for me to do this.  I don't know why my human couldn't see that.  Considering she's doing a PhD thingy, she's very stupid sometimes.

I'm not sure what I think about this mindful eating malarkey.  With all of the walking between my bowl & the kitchen mat & the living room carpet, I was exhausted!  All of that extra exercise would stop me getting big & fat, never mind the eating with my mind.

I haven't had any of the yummy crunchy biscuits yet today, so I haven't decided how I'll eat them next time.  I don't want my human laughing at me again though, so I might just eat them with my mouth ... or then again, I might use my mind.

I'm a cat; I can do whatever I like!

Gone & got my paws in a knot ...

My human's learning to do something else now!  Something called 'Thai Yoga Massage.'  I'm not really sure what it's all about but it seems to be something to do with making other human's bodies do funny things.

She really confused me a couple of weeks back when she first started practising on two of her human friends. First of all, she put a blanket down on the floor, which I didn't like, so I tried to take it back up. But she wouldn't let me & just put it straight back down.


And then her human friends appeared & took turns to lie down on it whilst she put their bodies into funny shapes.

Tonight though, she was watching a video about it, so I thought I'd watch to see what I could learn.

And look; this is me practising. See, I'm doing what the man on the video is doing ... 

It's not that easy though ...

I've gone & got my paws in a knot ...

B strings are okay ...

All is good is my world again. My human came home & I've been getting lots of cuddles. I was so happy to see her when she came home, I just couldn't stop purring loudly for hours & hours. 

I decided I liked the man human who came to look after me while she was away. He brought me a new toy. A guitar string.

I thought I knew all about guitar strings because I see them on my human's guitar. And I know that they make a nice noise when she plays it.

But what I didn't know was just how much fun they are for cats! My human has never let me play with them before.

But that's going to change now.

They're great fun tied to door handles. I can bat it around with my paw & they dance about. Great fun. And even when I pull it off the handle, I can still chase them around the floor.

I think they're much more fun like this than they are when they're attached to the guitar.

I haven't worked out yet how to take them off the guitar, so I guess I'll just have to rely on my human doing that for me. I don't know, but I think she might get mad at me if I start trying to take them off myself.

Man human was very clever & thoughtful too because he knew which strings were best for cats to play with & which ones might hurt us. Apparently "top E" strings are too sharp, but "B strings" are okay. And "all wound" strings are good. 

I have no idea what any of that means, but it seemed to make sense to my human. So I'll trust her because she always takes good care of me.

B strings are okay for guitar string playing cats ...