There's something wrong ...

Human ... there's something wrong with my treats dish ...

... it's EMPTY!!

Where are my Dreamies?!

I'm hoping that if I sit here long enough, you'll do something about it ...

Please ?!?

Sometimes the innocent get injured in the crossfire ...

I had a bit of an exciting time last night ... although I'm not sure my human would agree.

It must have been getting quite late, because it was dark outside.  But it was still nice & warm & I wanted to sit outside on the wall, watching over my territory.

My human obviously wanted to go to bed because she came outside calling my name & shaking the packet of Dreamies at me.  Now, usually the Dreamies work, but last night, I just wanted to sit out a little bit longer.  And I don't know why, but I just had a feeling that I needed to stay on guard.

I've spotted you pesky Ginger Tom ...

The human kept coming out & shaking the treats.  And I kept ignoring her ... & as you can see from this picture, I was right to.  The pesky big Ginger Tom, who hasn't dared come near for a while, was prowling around the back lanes.  

This is me keeping my eyes on him ...

I told my human, although I'm not sure she heard me, not to worry, that I'd protect us & keep us safe from the pesky Ginger Tom. 

 She went inside because I think she realised I had no intention of coming in just then.

And just as well I didn't, because guess what happened?

Yes; Ginger Tom jumped up onto my wall.  Well, he wasn't going to get away with that.  Along the wall I went to him.  We stood, staring at each other, backs arched, tails bushy & then started the yowling & hissing sounds that I'm very good at ...

My human came running outside at this point to see what was going on.  I think Ginger Tom got a little bit unnerved by her & so I stole my chance ... I lashed out at him & chased him along the walls.  He ran as far down the walls as he could, with me in close pursuit ... & when he got to the end, he had no choice but to jump down.  

Ha; I won!!  The walls are mine!

I sat down there for a long time, just to make sure he didn't dare come back.  Just to make sure he knew who the best cat in this neighbourhood is.

Of course, my human was still shouting for me to come in, but I couldn't.  I had to make sure he didn't come back.  So she gave up & went back inside ...

Once I was sure he wasn't going to come back, I thought I'd best have a look around the neighbourhood to make sure he wasn't just hiding somewhere.  If he'd had any sense he'd have gone back home where he belongs.

Pesky green things stuck in my tail

And this is the bit my human's a bit puzzled by, because I managed to get attacked by a plant.  It stuck its nasty green seeds into my tail and I couldn't get them out by myself.  So I had to go home looking stupid with green things sticking out of my tail.

When my human saw them, she didn't know what to think.  She tried to touch my tail to get a better look at them, but I wouldn't let her.  I hissed and yowled at her. 

I feel a bit bad about doing that to her, but I was just so angry with myself for getting them stuck in there ... especially after I'd just shown her how good I am at defending our home and walls.

I eventually let her pick me up & she tried to brush them off me ... but like I'd already discovered, she soon realised they didn't come off very easily.  I was still all worked up from my fight, still angry at Ginger Tom, and still angry at the green things for sticking in my tail & I couldn't help keep growling & lashing at the human.  I see now she was only trying to help me ... but I didn't want her help.  Or, I didn't want to admit that I needed her help.

Sorry for making your sore finger bleed human ...
& thank you for pulling all of these pesky seeds out of my tail

Unfortunately, I forgot about her sore finger & I scratched it. I made it bleed in 3 different places, all on top of the scar which is still growing there. 

I love you human ...

I felt really bad about that, so once she'd finally pulled all of the stupid green things off me (they didn't come off easily & some of my fur came off with them) I gave her a lovely snuggly cuddle. So I think she forgave me. And to be honest, I was just grateful to her for pulling them all off me ... even if she did pull some of my fur out with them!

But it's like any battle isn't it ... sometimes the innocent get inured in the crossfire ...

Don't worry; I'll not get arrested ...

No human; no matter how long you stand down there looking up at me looking down at you, I'm not coming inside.

Of course, I might change my mind if you promise to give me some of those Dreamies you know I love.

Or if you promise to get me a nice new scratch post which is even better than this telegraph post I've found up here.  This one is especially good for sharpening my claws ready for a fight with the neighbourhood Toms who dare to come onto my wall.

And don't worry, I'll not get arrested for causing Criminal Damage. I don't think they have cells for cats in the human police station.

I've been out for your breakfast ....

My human has been giving me lots of my favourite 'Dreamies' treats recently, and so I thought I'd go out & find her a present to say 'thank you' ...

I went out as usual, before breakfast, when my human opens the back door for me.  And whilst out there, I noticed a lovely fat bird, which I thought looked yummy!  As I hadn't had my breakfast, I did think about killing it for myself and eating it, but then I thought, "No Elsie.  That would be a lovely present to take home as a thank you present for my human."

And so I went after it, I pounced and I caught it.  I sunk my teeth into it and shook it, as us cats do to kill our prey.  "Wow!" I thought.  "That's impressive.  My human will love it for her breakfast.  It'll be so fresh and tasty ... & she might just leave me little bit!"

And so I kept tight hold of it in my mouth ... it's hard to do when it's feathers are tickling your teeth and lips.  But I kept it there, I ran all the way home, with the bird tightly held in my mouth.

And I ran into our house, & pushed our living room door open ... & my human jumped up!  I thought she was happy and excited to see what I'd brought her!  I ran over to her & I dropped the beautiful bird breakfast at her feet, miaowing and purring loudly!  I felt so very proud of myself, for catching the bird ... they can be difficult things to catch because they have stupid habit of trying to fly away.  I also felt proud that I'd managed to resist the temptation of eating it for myself whilst it was still fresh & took it home instead for my human.  It's the first present I've ever taken her.

Human; here's your breakfast ...

But ... she didn't seem happy.  And I couldn't understand why.  She seemed a little bit shaken, if I'm honest.  And she said something that sounded like, "Urgh!" That wasn't the reaction I was expecting.  She was meant to be happy & to tuck straight into it for her breakfast ... & of course, leave me a little bit on the bones to share.

After a short while, she seemed to pull herself together & she stroked me and thanked me ... but it felt a little bit too late.  And then I tried to pick it up again to give to her, but she pushed me away from it ... again with that squeamish, shakiness.

And then it got worse.  She went into the kitchen & came back with our little dustpan & brush (the one she uses to brush up my litter when I shake it out from my toes after using my litter tray) & a carrier bag.  I think she was going to just throw the bird away!  She tried to brush it up ... but more of that pathetic squeamish, shakiness happened.

And then she picked me up & took me into the counselling room & shut us both in there.  Why?  I kept miaowing at her to let us out.  What were we doing locked in this room, when there was a tasty fresh bird just waiting to be eaten sitting by itself in the other room?

Anyway, next thing I know, the other human who comes to feed me when my human goes away was at the front door.  She had to open the counselling room door then obviously to go & let him in ... & so whilst she did that, I took my chance & ran back into the living room & dived back onto my bird.  If my human didn't want it, I thought I might as well just have it all myself.  I felt really annoyed though, because I could have eaten it straight away when it was lovely & fresh, but no, I put my human first & took it home for her.

But then ... the two human came into the living room & I got a fright, & dropped it.  By this time, there were little black feathers all over the carpet!!  And then, the other human just picked my bird up by its leg & threw it into a carrier bag.  It wasn't for him.  He had no right to come down and steal my bird, just because my human didn't want it.  And just because he feeds me.  He had no right to do that. Stupid, stupid human.

Anyway, he took it away.  The bird's gone now.  The feathers have been hoovered up by that horrible, scary  hoover machine.

And I'm still annoyed.  And upset that my human didn't eat my present for her breakfast ...

But at least my present was better than the mouse that was left outside a couple of week's back ...

** see Monday 17th June 'Someone's trying to steal my human' for that particular story.

I don't have a car & I don't wear clothes ...

I took this photo of my human standing beside her car when she came home from work ... was there really any need for her to wear a skirt that matched the car ... !?!?

I first noticed this fashion faux pas this morning when she went out to work, but I didn't want to upset her by telling her.

Someone should though shouldn't they!?! It's not good matching your clothes to your car.

At least I don't need to worry about these things. 

I don't have a car, & I don't wear clothes ...

I'm a bit tired of this PhD thingy ...

My human was already working on this PhD thingy when I moved in with her almost 3 1/2 years ago, but back then, I didn't imagine she'd still be doing it.

Take last night for example.  It was getting late, she'd finished with her clients, she'd had her tea, &, as far as I was concerned, that meant that it was snuggles with me time.

But no.  She seemed to have other plans.  She wanted to sit and do some PhD work on the sofa.  Well; I wasn't happy about that.  I wanted a cuddle.  It was my time.  She didn't seem to realise this though & got her books and iPad out.  I wasn't having it though.  It was my time.  My time to sit on her knee & have a cuddle.  My snuggle time ...

She gave up eventually.  Like any human, she accepted that the cat came first.  I knew what was right.  I wasn't going to give up.  She put the books down & I got my cuddle.

And then this morning.  She was up early & although she did give me a little bit of snuggle time.  It didn't last.

This is me just lying on her knee, contemplating the day ahead.  And wondering when she was going to throw me off so she could go and do some work.  It didn't take long.  I did enjoy the cuddle & contemplation whilst it lasted though ...

And then, sure enough; she got on the computer.  I obviously wasn't happy about that.  A day off work.  A day off clients.  That should mean my human spends the day playing & snuggling with me.

But no.  The PhD thingy took her attention.

I sat on her knee to keep her company whilst she worked on her computer.  And, to remind her that I was there.  To try to make her feel guilty for ignoring me.  But it didn't seem to work.  Even when I maneuvered myself to make sure I took up one of her arms ... I understand it's easier for you humans to type with two hands, rather than one?  I think my human should have been able to manage quite adequately with one hand.  It's got 4 fingers and a thumb, after all ... she wants to try typing with paws, like I have to do ...

She wasn't going to stop though.  Even when I did fall asleep & started snoring.  I was so cosy on her knee.  I went into such a lovely deep sleep, with lovely dreams of Dreamies cat-treats ...

And then ... the stupid postman pushed something through the letterbox.  Woke me up with such a fright.  Interrupted my lovely Dreamies filled dreams.  I jumped up off my humans knee.  I didn't know where I was.  I was still half asleep, as you can see ...

And even tonight, as I'm typing this with my furry little paws, my human is sitting reading yet more papers for the PhD thingy ...

I hope that when it's finished, she remembers she has a lot of making up to me to do ...

Someone's trying to steal my human ...

I'm a little bit worried this morning.

I think some other cat is trying to steal my human from me.

I just went outside into our back yard this morning, so I hadn't seen it myself.

My human went out early this morning & I went & sat on the back of our sofa in the counselling room. I looked out of the window ... & that's when I saw it.

A little ... well actually, it wasn't so little, it was impressively big ... mouse.

A whole range of emotions went through me ... 

"Wow!" I thought. "That's big for a little mouse."

But then I felt disappointed that I hadn't had the chance to play with such an impressive mouse.

And then I felt a little big angry that some other cat had had all of the fun.

And then, I felt very angry. 

Very angry because which ever other cat had played with it before killing it had brought it into my front garden.

At first I thought it had done it to goad me. To show off to me & try to tease me; showing me what it had caught.

But then ... my heart sank.

And I began to wonder if that other cat had left the mouse there not for me ... but for my human.

Had they left it there as a present for her? 

Us cats can't go to the shops like you humans do (we don't get money), so we bring you our own special presents to show you how much we love you.

Why would another cat be bringing my human presents? 

I don't think my human's been playing with other cats (other than the ones I already know about who live with other humans she knows), so that means that this other cat (whoever he or she may be) is trying to impress my human. There's some other evil cat out there trying to poach my human.  

I don't blame them really, because my human is lovely. And our home is a lovely home to live in. But we don't have room for another cat. I'm the cat in this home. 

And that's when I started worrying. What if my human is impressed by that mouse? What if she likes getting presents & wants to live with a cat who brings her lots of gifts?

I sat at that window, just looking at that mouse, with all of these thoughts going round & round inside my head.

And then my human came home.

And I realised I had nothing to worry about.

She wasn't impressed at all by that mouse! She looked a little bit sad when she saw it. And, a little bit disgusted.

And actually, it was quite funny to watch what she did with it.  

She used a little trowel to push it onto a shovel ... & the look of disgust & horror on her face was quite comical to watch. I don't think she enjoyed having to do it! And then she just dropped the mouse into a bag before just throwing it into the bin!

I did wonder if she did it like that because she was trying to hide it from me. Was she having an affair with another cat which she was trying to keep secret?! 

And I did worry about that for a few minutes.

But no; that look on her face & the way she cringed when she picked the mouse up told me very clearly that she wasn't impressed.

I must remember that & make sure I never bring any mice home. I haven't up until now. They keep getting away from me if I'm honest. But anyway, I don't need to look for mice to play with. I've got lots of toys which my human has bought for me. And they're good fun. And I get lovely dinners from my human so I don't need to bother chasing mice to eat. My tummy is always filled with much tastier things.

Have you ever tasted a mouse? No? I wouldn't bother. They're not that tasty.

I'm feeling a little bit better now. I know my human loves me & she doesn't want another cat.

But, I am going to have to keep an eye out & see who this other cat is who's trying to steal my human ...

They're not getting her; she's mine.

All mine.
And I'm keeping her for myself.
She's not for sale; no matter how many presents you bring for her.

So watch out other cat ... whoever you are.